How Rock and Roll Stays Relevant in Middle Age and Beyond The Band – A device your physical therapist wants you to use to increase joint flexibility. Pink Floyd – A nickname for your rosacea. Deep Purple – The color of your spider veins. Blur – Your twenties and thirties. The Smiths – What you call the three couples you socialize with whose names you can’t remember. The Who – How you respond when someo…

Short Conversations with Poets: Jeffrey Yang Jeffrey Yang’s latest book is Line and Light, a title that rhymes in a way with the title of his second collection, Vanishing-Line. Line and Light, his fourth full-length work, is sprawling, vast, like a city of poetry. It’s composed of five sections, all of them serial in form or spirit. The first and most ambitious, “Langkasuka,” spans sixty-t…

Brief Conversations Between Me, a Woman in Treatment After a Cancer Diagnosis, and a Collection of Morons I Have Encountered Since MORON #1: Great wig. It must be so cool not to have to do your hair. ME: I’ve worn a wig since my hair fell out. I got tired of people gawking at me and my bald-ass head like I was some escapee from Area 51. It’s especially fun to wear this wig during the summer months. With this wig atop my head and all that heat trapped up under there, Dante c…

I’m Racketeering Charges, and I’m Here to Rock This Presidential Indictment-Fest Like You Wouldn’t Believe “Prosecutors have found racketeering laws to be powerful tools in targeting not only foot soldiers in a criminal enterprise, but also high-level decision makers.” — The New York Times – – – Yeah, that’s right, it’s me, Racketeering Charges, and I’m bursting into this ex-president judicial drama like the Kool-Aid Man of inscrutable justice. How b…

Welcome to Your New City in the Northwest, Where Recycling Is So Simple Our city is proud to offer monthly trash pickup, every-other-day recycling pickup, and composting services. Are you in the present moment with us? Vibe a bit longer, then see when your intuition says to place the compost at the curb—that will be the correct time. But how do you know which items belong in which bin? It simply couldn’t be simpler….

Can I Get Away with This on the Bus? An FAQ for the Modern Commuter Q: Do I have to make room for people when the bus starts getting crowded? A: Not if you don’t want to. Even if the bus driver shouts, “Please move all the way to the back,” several times in a row over the loudspeaker, it’s really just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore them for as long as you want. After all, they can’t stop the bus forever. Q: I…

Predictive Texts for the Conflict-Averse Just _____ Just checking in _______ Just checking in, sorry – – – Hey neighbor ______ Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge ______ Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge on your vintage pornography? – – – Babe, can I get an update ______ Babe, can I get an update when you’re back from Six Flags _____ Babe, can I get an updat…

You’re a Cyclist Who Was Just Struck by a Car Driver. Here’s Why It Was Your Fault You were riding during rush hour. Why were you riding then? There are way too many cars on the road. If you were commuting, you should have contacted your boss and politely asked to work from 3:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. instead. You were riding at night or in the early morning. There’s no way drivers can see you. Remember: if you’re one of those peo…

Other Memes About Slamming Laptops Shut to Post on Fridays – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Revised Instructional Materials for Florida AP Psychology Students “Large school districts across Florida are dropping plans to offer Advanced Placement Psychology, heeding a warning from state officials that the course’s discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity violates state law.” — Washington Post – – – Despite media reports to the contrary, we here at the Florida Department of Education are com…

Playbill Bios for Parenthood Sheila Muniz is delighted to be making her parenthood debut as Mom in Ainsley: Six Pounds Seven Ounces. She comes to the role after a recurring appearance as Cool Aunt (Jacob) and Cat Mom (Floof). She has also worked in Mid-Level Marketing Company (Sheila), where she will return in two months to reimagine this role as Sheila Who Realizes the Lac…

How to Use a Notebook Planner to Finally Get Your Life Organized and Under Control Find a time to sit down and plan out the week ahead. Start by copying all your Google Calendar meetings into your notebook. Cross them out as meetings get rescheduled or canceled, so that by Friday your agenda looks like Picasso’s Guernica. Having a constantly outdated physical copy of your schedule will give you visual clarity on how you’re spe…

Email Greetings for Modern Times Hi Steve. Hope the air where you are is somewhat breathable today! Just wanted to circle back around on that report. – – – Dear Judy, I hope this finds you without a collapsed power grid. 🙁 – – – Jim, What a toxic spill, huh? Bigger than the last three! Anyway, wondering if you’re free for dinner Tuesday? – – – Trish! Hope you had a great vacay…

Sorry to Interrupt This Wilco Festival, but There Are Some Bad IPAs Going Around Let’s hear it for Wilco! I’m going to let the band get back to it in a minute, but first, I need to make an important safety announcement: Please be careful with what you put in your bodies at this festival. We’re getting reports there are some bad IPAs going around. I’m not trying to scare anyone, but the beer might be bitter, watery, and with …

YouTube Yoga for South-Asian Americans Welcome to Yoga with Aditi. I’m Aditi, and the man snoring in the corner is Biju Uncle. Today’s yoga series is for my fellow South Asians. Hop into something comfy—nighties with holes are encouraged—and let’s begin. Let’s start with a quick check-in. Notice what energy you’re bringing to the mat today. Are you nervous? Are you holding tension in…

There’s Nothing Like Getting Cozy in Your Favorite Chair and Opening a New Goodreads Tab A dreary afternoon. Rain patters against the windows. You’re inside getting cozy in your favorite recliner, about to open a new Goodreads tab. Ahh. There’s nothing quite like it, is there? When we dive into Goodreads, we get to explore exciting worlds brimming with possibilities. Exhilarating progress updates keep us glued to the page for hours …

Lindsay Lister’s Op-Ed to the Stars Hollow Gazette Dear Townspeople of Stars Hollow, You know me, Lindsay. While not the town’s prodigal daughter, I am also a young woman who was born and raised in this town (there are actually a lot of us, though we don’t get our own table at Luke’s or automatically become the town’s Ice Cream Queen just for existing), and I’d like to set the record straight ab…

I Regret to Announce That I Will Not Be Canceling My Plans with You Tonight It is with a heavy heart that I declare my intention to keep our dinner plans for tonight. I understand that this news may come as a shock, given our beautiful and long-standing tradition of taking turns canceling on each other. I can already picture the sadness on your face as you digest this news, knowing you can’t go home right after work, ta…

Famous Taglines That Have No Sexual Innuendo Whatsoever Skittles: “Taste the Rainbow” Red, orange, yellow, and so forth. Finally, a candy fit for the whole spectrum. With this deliciously bold tagline, Skittles promises a sensory adventure of unparalleled dimension. Time to sweeten things up, stretch your palate, and lick the sky. All of this quite plainly has nothing to do with oral sex. Nike: “Just…

Really? You’re Too Good for Our Newsletter? Wow Would you like to sign up for our newsletter? Yes! No thanks. I’m a big dumb dumb. I win the award for Biggest Dumb Dumb every single year. I have so many Biggest Dumb Dumb awards that the shelf I kept them on collapsed under the weight. People got hurt. When I go out to eat at a restaurant, I spill my drink. I do it on purpose. I also text an…