Here’s Why a Second Death Star Won’t Be That Bad “Mr. Trump’s first term was better than expected… the authoritarian rule that Democrats and the press predicted never appeared. Mr. Trump was too undisciplined, and his attention span too short, to stay on one message much less stage a coup. America’s checks and balances held… We don’t buy the fascism fears, and we doubt Democrats really do eith…

I Don’t Hate Women Candidates. I Just Thought an Erratic and Vindictive Criminal Was Worthier of My Vote Than a Woman Candidate I admit, it was tricky for me, a white male swing-state voter, to decide who deserved my vote in this election. But in the end, I cast my ballot for Donald Trump along with over seventy million other Americans. And I promise you that decision has nothing to do with my hating women, or Black people, or even Black women. Just yesterday, a Black wo…

270 Reasons: Because They Seem to Really Like Our Country Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 Reason…

Voters of America as Explained by Their Pants Cat-Hair-Covered Yoga Pants: Voted for Harris Toupee-Hair-Covered Suit Pants: Voted for Trump Bear-Hair-Covered Vintage L.L.Bean Board Shorts: Wrote in “RFK Jr. + The Worm” Pants Worn Only Every Four Years That Were Bought by Someone Else: Voted for Jill Stein Frayed Corduroys That Nobody Wants or Needs: Voted for Cornel West Fair-Trade, Ethical…

“I Voted” Stickers for Voters Outside Swing States

270 Reasons: Because the American Experiment Is on the Defensive Our friends at 270 reasons.com are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 re…

Election Day 2024 Bingo

Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day Well, another presidential election is here. Again. It feels like only yesterday that we were waiting in line for hours to cast our ballots, slowly rocking in front of the TV while the Big Map turned bruised colors and stress-eating leftover Halloween chocolate like a dog intent on seeing God. Don’t worry. Our Founding Fathers had a dream for ou…

270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms, That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 Reason…

Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care People always ask me, “Why are you so sad, Eeyore? Is it because of the election?” Election Day or regular day, it’s all the same to me. Here’s my advice for accepting the inevitable. Take a Deep Breath It’s not much of an activity, but then again, I’m not much of a donkey. Vote Sure would be nice to vote. Some of us can’t. Least of all, a gray,…

Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen Our election forecast model is the most rigorous data-driven tool available. It aggregates and weighs polls, draws on fundamentals like the economy, validates forecasts based on complex statistical vetting, and generates thousands of Bayesian election simulations to explore the likelihood of every possible outcome. Based on that, I can tell you …

I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6 Thank you for your email. This is an automated response to let you know that I will be away from my desk on Wednesday, November 6. As you may be aware, the presidential election in the United States could be decided by the evening of November 5, and I will be up all night either panicking or celebrating, depending on which way it goes. Or the el…

270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 Reason…

Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches “Former President Trump is sowing doubt about the election results in Pennsylvania less than one week before Election Day, making explosive and misleading claims about fraud.” — The Hill – – – This election rigged! They have illegally stolen this election from me by using

This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner It’s come to this: the 2024 presidential election is a toss-up. Fifty-fifty. All the polls say this could go either way. This isn’t how I saw this playing out in July. After Biden dropped out, my victory was all but assured. But you can’t count a historically unpopular moron like Donald Trump out. With his crackpot team of dimwitted transphobes,…

How to Burn Off Halloween Candy Calories: 2024 Election Edition

270 Reasons: Because If You Don’t Want to Live in The Handmaid’s Tale, You really Need to Vote Harris-Walz Our friends at 270 Reasons are gathering a polyphonic orchestra of brilliant writers, teachers, doctors, filmmakers, artists, and citizens of all kinds to weigh in about their plans to vote this November. These opinion essays run the gamut from advocacy for basic human rights to acutely personal mini-manifestoes. Read the rest over at 270 Reason…

I’m Voting for Trump Because of the Things He Says He’ll Do, Which I Don’t Actually Believe He’ll Do I realize the former President can sound a bit rough to some, but that’s why he connects with so many people. He simply tells it like it is. He’s a man of conviction who will not do the terrible things he has repeatedly promised to do. This is why I plan to vote for him. As a man who served as President for four years, who is the head of the Rep…

The Final Presidential Debate If Both Harris and Trump Were Huge Birders MODERATOR: Welcome to our final presidential debate. Per the rules agreed upon by both candidates, President Trump is allowed to have Cyril, his African grey parrot, on his shoulder throughout the debate, but he may not receive advice or answers from him. Vice President Harris is allowed to have binoculars around her neck due to fall warbler mig…

How Far We’ve Come Since 2016: Election Edition – – – – – – – – – – – –